This was originally posted on August 6, 2008
Talula Does The Hula In Hawaii kicked up a bit of a fuss recently. But that’s nothing compared to what name-change enthusiast Eugene Volokh has uncovered. Not all of these made it through the net. But others…
1069
“The only way [my] identity can be expressed is 1069,” claimed Michaele Herbert Dengler. “The third character, 6, is equal to the relationship I have with the universe in my understanding of space of my spatial occupancy through this life.”
Verdict – REJECTED
III (pronounced ‘three’)
Thomas Boyd Richie III wanted to shorten his name. Did he go for Tom? No, he went for Roman Numerals.
Verdict – REJECTED
Misteri Nigger (silent second i – pronounced Mister)
I can’t for the life of me figure out why the second i would be silent. So ridiculous.
Verdict – REJECTED
Santa Claus
This name has caused some dispute. Disallowed in Ohio, 1992 – “The petitioner is seeking more than a name change, he is seeking the identity of an individual that this culture has recognized throughout the world, for well over one hundred years.” In other words, the petitioner was banned for an attempt to steal Santa’s identity.
However, in Utah, 2001 – “However, Porter has the right to select the name by which he is known, within very broad limits.” The name was allowed, and someone has the coolest driving licence ever.
Verdict – ACCEPTED & REJECTED
Koriander
With no last name to accompany it. Plain Koriander. Chosen by it’s owner for her “attraction to a name that sounds appropriate for her work as an artisan.”
Verdict – ACCEPTED
They
The rationale for this is so great that I won’t add anything to it. “‘They do this,’ or ‘They’re to blame for that.’ Who is this ‘they’ everyone talks about? ‘They’ accomplish such great things. Somebody had to take responsibility.”
Verdict – ACCEPTED
Darren QX (pronounced ‘Lloyd’)
Was Darren looking to add a postnominal QC, for Queen’s Counsel, to his name? X and C are pretty close together. Oh no wait, QX is pronounced ‘Lloyd. Right.
Verdict – ACCEPTED
Bean!
Must be addressed with a raised pitch and volume. And a swift flick of the groin area.
Verdict – ACCEPTED
KentuckyFriedCruelty.com
Web marketers take note – should all else fail, change your name to your domain name.
Verdict – ACCEPTED
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Massive props to Eugene Volokh for this excellent, and hilarious, research.
